Pinocchio writes to Congresswoman Stefanik, his secret sister, from an Adirondack safe-house. He is safe in the north. She will never sell him for pulpwood. She doesn't like to go there. People ask her questions. They put her on the spot. She prefers to lecture empty seats in the House of Representatives. She can read her script, look important, and be on C-Span!
“Geez, Elise,” Pinocchio begins. ”I’m so excited! I have taken The Post-Star no-lie pledge, and wonderful things are happening to me. I am becoming a real boy! I have feelings! My heart cares! My brain is not wooden anymore! Perhaps if you take the no-lie pledge, you can become real, too! But you have to pledge in front of a human, perhaps an editor, and proclaim it in print, so that it is real, too! Twitter is for woodpeckers. And you have to tell the truth forever after: “no fibbing!”
Pinocchio receives no reply. He is sad. Elise keeps lying. Why won’t she change? She calls Tedra Cobb unkind names that are untrue. She says Tedra is a taxing person, when all the time it is Elise who votes to spend more and more! Elise is out of control. She has voted to extend the debt limit. She has blown the cap off the budget because she wants to buy more guns! Medicare and Social Security? She thinks they are far-left socialist welfare programs. These programs are for people. Who needs people? Elise doesn’t. She only cares about her great big self. I! I! I!
Pinocchio becomes sick with worry. How will he get the help he needs? GoFundMe won’t cover his medical expenses or find him a job or pay his taxes. Who will help him? Not Elise.
Catherine Fay Roberts, Schuylerville