DEAR ABBY: I am dealing with the worst heartbreak ever. I don’t know what I did to make my boyfriend stop liking me. He won’t talk to me or text me back, and now he has blocked me on Facebook. One minute he said that he would always hang out with me and the next he told me to stop messaging him and blocked me. All of this has made me go out of control, and now I want to hate on everyone. How can I stop this awful hurt?
LOVE HURTS IN OREGON
DEAR LOVE HURTS: Before I answer that question, I want to weigh in on your signature, “Love Hurts.” What I need to impress upon you is, love doesn’t hurt. Real love makes people feel better.
It’s time to stop asking yourself what you did wrong to be getting the treatment he is doling out. Allow me an educated guess: He may feel guilty because he met someone else and doesn’t have the courage to own up to it. Time will tell if I’m right.
The way to soothe this ache and refrain from lashing out at others would be to remember they are blameless. By taking your pain out on them, you are isolating only yourself. Get rid of any mementos that remind you of him. If a song reminds you of him, don’t play it again. Keep yourself busy. Focus on other things and talk with your friends and family about your feelings. If you do, you will soon realize that others have experienced the same disappointment you have. And, above all, remember that although this experience may have been romantic for a while, it has run its course.
DEAR ABBY: I am at my wits’ end with my husband. I have a vision impairment as a result of ocular cancer, and he refuses to stop making fun of me about it. He teases me constantly about being blind, about not being able to read, and about how bad my eyes are.
My eyes are very bad, some days much worse than others, but I’m not totally blind. And, Abby, I can read — just not the way I used to. When I tell him it hurts my feelings, he either gets angry at me for being “too sensitive” or brushes it off because he’s “just being honest.”
He is very religious, and I have thought about reaching out to his pastor about this because it bothers me so much, but I’m agnostic and don’t have a relationship with him. It hurts me, but it’s almost worse because our daughter watches it, and I don’t want her to think it’s OK for her daddy to bully me like this.
CHALLENGED IN TENNESSEE
DEAR CHALLENGED: You are NOT too sensitive, and your husband is not just being honest! He may be punishing you because you had the nerve to get ocular cancer, or he may simply have a sadistic streak. This is not how good Christians behave; it is how hypocrites do.
That you are an agnostic — many intelligent and pious individuals are, by the way — should not stop you from having a conversation with your husband’s pastor. However, even if the pastor were to craft a sermon on the subject, I doubt it would change your husband’s behavior. If you are going to continue in this marriage, you must find a way to change the way you react to the mistreatment you are receiving. Perhaps once he finds he can’t get the reaction he’s looking for, he will stop.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.