‘Sing like nobody’s listening.”

Yeah, I guess that would be OK.

“Love like you’ve never been hurt.”

I’ll give you that one, too.

But that’s where it has to stop. I don’t care what it says on your coffee mug. Or on that little plaque on the back of your toilet. You should not “dance like nobody’s watching.”

As we enter Work Holiday Party Season, let me be the first to tell you, they’re watching. They are all watching.

Sing. Love. Live like it’s heaven on earth and those tiny scallops wrapped in bacon are the manna come down for your enjoyment alone. But think before you dance.

The only exception, of course, is if you are among the small percentage of the population that is really good at dancing. If you don’t know if you fall into this class, you don’t. People who are good know they are good. If you are wondering, there is a reason.

The outfit I work for has a higher than average number of good dancers. I realized this last year at the Christmas party when ladies started doing backflips on the dance floor. Yes, backflips. They even wore those special shorts one would wear under a gown should one decide it necessary to do dance moves that involve going upside down.

I work at a YMCA. The backflippers were our gymnastics department. Those people can dance.

Not to be outdone, our Zumba instructors then moved onto the floor. It was like a meeting between the Jets and the Sharks, only in cocktail dresses.

These Zumba instructors not only started to dance, they cued the moves so everyone on the tiles could follow each shimmy and shake. It was a thing to behold, and behold I did ... from the sidelines. Because no matter how tempting it might be, I know I will not look like them. I will look like me trying really hard to be them.

Believe me, dancing like nobody’s watching leads to humiliation like nobody will forget.

If, however, you insist on taking the dance floor at your work holiday party, here are a few basic rules to follow:

1. No grinding, with anyone. Not even your spouse. Unless you are eating a sub, grinding at your company Christmas party is weird.

2. No pulling people onto the dance floor. This is not a church revival service. It is not your job to bring anyone to the altar.

3. If you find yourself stuck in a one-move loop like a 13-year-old at a middle school dance, get off the floor

4. If you aren’t a good dancer, but you suddenly feel like a great dancer, realize that is the alcohol talking.

5. Leave MC Hammer alone.

6. Do not crowd surf.

7. Do not bite anyone.

8. Do not remove clothing.

9. Do not leap off high things.

10. And when you dance, dance like your boss is watching.

Martha Petteys writes a weekly column for The Post-Star. Write to her at petteyshome@gmail.com or visit her on Facebook.


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